Isn’t that what we all say we want?
I have hit my knees begging God to heal me of depression and anxiety. But only recently have I learned what that actually means.
I just want the quick fix – the magical removal of my struggles. I want to pray a prayer and have all anxiety and depression removed immediately. I want a thunderbolt of instant healing.
But sometimes healing simply isn’t that easy.
HEAL: /hēl/ : to become sound or healthy again
synonym: the restore to health
The Lord will heal me. I will be healthy. I will no longer be in pieces – I will be sound and whole.
BECOME: /bəˈkəm/ : begin to be
It says “begin.” It does not say “are.” To heal means to begin to be sound or healthy again. “To heal” does not mean you are healthy; it means you are in the process of being healed.
There is a period of time between the moment when healing starts and when it is complete.
Healing is not in a thunderbolt, it is in the slow, painful process of waiting, mending, uprooting, and forgiving.
He could snap His fingers and makes every trace of depression and an anxiety disappear into thin air. But He also doesn’t have to – it may not be the best way to heal me.
Anxiety and depression are trees that whether I realize it or not, I have watered and kept alive. Their roots go deep into my heart and memories.
Anxiety and depression are weeds that pop up when I don’t expect them to. When I am finally cleaned out they reappear with seemingly no help. When one or two small sprouts are ignored, they take over our garden with persistence.
And just like the birds dropping seeds of fruit, thoughts of self doubt and self hate spread the seeds of anxiety and depression to areas in our lives they do not belong. Sprouting in my relationships, my quiet time with the Lord, and my dreams for the future – places they don’t belong.
But He is the gardener.
I don’t have to take care and monitor my heart and soul alone. I can’t do it.
So when I hit my knees and beg him to heal me – to rip out the trees, weeds, and seeds of depression and anxiety, I have to remember that it may hurt.
When you ask God to take away depression & anxiety, it has roots.The roots are intertangled with hopes and dreams.
Gardening takes time. Gardening is a process. Healing is a process.
The memories and wounds need to be tended to. Like soil must be aerated, memories may need to be taken up and turned over to be seen in a different light. Wounds may need to be stitched up. Forgiveness may need to given.
When I am discouraged with where I am, I must remember that healing has begun. He is still molding me and restoring me back to health.
RESTORE: /rəˈstôr/ : to bring back (a previous right or situation); reinstate
REINSTATE: /rēinˈstāt/ : restore someone to their former position or condition
I have not always been broken. I have not always been burden by anxiety and depression. I once was healthy and whole.
He will restore me back to joy. He will bring me back to peace. He will reinstate what he originally placed in me. He will bring back my health.
He is the only one who can heal me. The only One who can up root everything that does not belong.
Only Christ can HEAL, RESTORE, and REINSTATE so I can BECOME who He created me to be.
I will trust Him with my heart and soul. It may hurt like hell, but I will praise Him through it.
And as a broken bone becomes stronger after a break, so will I.
“The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health.” (Psalm 41:3)
“O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health.” (Psalm 30:2)